But, I also took my first baby steps toward conquering this fear. Crying, screaming, protesting, terrified baby steps into the Pacific Ocean. I paddled my surfboard out for the first time. I got suited up, went right to the edge of the water, looked out at the powerful ocean and cried, "I can't do this!" My wonderful husband Jason, who believes that I can indeed to this, took my hand and led me out into the water. I literally just paddled out past the break and right back in again (under 10 minutes total), but that is a huge step for me because I am scared of being out in the ocean. It is an irrational fear; in fact I could have stood up in the water pretty much the entire time I was out there so it would have been very hard to get seriously injured, but the mental struggle is huge. I will try again next week. Right now, going in the water is about having a better relationship with the ocean more than it is about learning to surf, but that is the ultimate goal. With one of the best surf spots in the world in my backyard, I want to be able to play, too!
|I've never done this before!!!|
And that's not the only scary thing I did this week! last night I also taught my first self-choreographed zumba routine! I was not as scared about this as I was excited and a bit nervous. It went well, I didn't forget the routine and many people told me it was a fun one!
Each time I step out of my comfort zone I realize that facing my fear and doing it anyway is crucial to reaching my dreams. Of course, some fear is healthy and necessary so we don't die. You know, the kind of warning fear that characters in the movies should actually heed instead of heading into a dark basement when an axe murderer is on the loose. But that's different. I can't let fear hold me back when everyone is telling me I can do it, and it is only my own doubts that keep me from moving forward.