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Monday, November 5, 2007

All the Proteas Have Bees...



All the Proteas Have Bees..., originally uploaded by sgrace.
I really wish I would update regularly in here. I think my lack of regular posting is a result of my tendency toward perfectionism. If I’m not going to be able to do a project right, I tend to not want to do it at all. That is why I have so many projects that are both ambitious and unfinished. That, I think, is why I’m not good are correspondences, either personal or public, such as diaries, letters, emails, or phone calls. I somehow don’t make contact within a certain amount of time, and then after that “time” has passed, I think, “well, it’s too late now to do anything about it, because the diary is not perfect, it does not have consecutive entries!” I also tend to think that people are mad at me because I haven’t replied to their calls or emails and thus avoid contact. Well, there you go, that’s my self-analysis for the day.
I guess my prescription is to try and let this be a place of imperfection. I might have written that in my initial post, and, in my usual fashion, in order to be perfect I usually would at this point stop writing and go check the first entry I made here to see if I was thinking about trying to make this an “imperfect place” so I wouldn’t repeat myself, God forbid. See what I mean?
Don’t get me wrong, these tendencies, especially in language and communication, and to some extent relationships, are probably also my greatest strength and have allowed me to achieve success academically and professionally. But I sometimes feel like my mind is constantly working overtime to do everything right and that gets tiresome.
So, I am really going to just try and write here when I feel like it and write what I feel like writing. If I actually start to write more, than the format of this blog will sort of find itself more, instead of trying to prescribe myself a writing formula for a successful online diary.
I have to go eat dinner now but I do have more on my mind so perhaps I will write more later.

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